Mother’s Day

This blog post is brought to you one day before Mother’s Day, will probably not be posted until after Mother’s Day, and is fueled by personal avoidance and discomfort.

I miss my mom.

Mother’s Day is interesting as what I consider to be, “a new mom”. I have a 2 1/2 year old, and a five month old, and I’m not sure when I’ll stop feeling like a new mom, but it hasn’t happened yet. Celebrating Mother’s Day is a unique experience when you become the one who is celebrated.

For those of you, who are the intended recipients of this celebratory occasion- I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you know that someone out there knows how hard you try. Nothing is ever simple, so I’m sure no matter what I do this will sound generalized, and I do recognize that. Things are so different from family to family, and there’s no doubt that access to support, resources, socioeconomic status, health, and well-being, and so on, and so forth, all affect our ability to celebrate and/or enjoy such a day. Survival mode doesn’t allow for much celebration.

That being said, I hope you’re able to at least give yourself a smile, or hug, or a validating head nod as you walk by the mirror this weekend. You are someone’s everything.

You are steady when you feel weak. You are brilliant when you feel clueless. You are warmth when you feel cold. You are an artist when you feel helpless. You are brave when you feel fear. You are gentle when you feel a hurricane inside. You hold space when you feel trapped. You grieve while you cry tears of joy. You keep trying even when it feels too hard. You mother without a mother. You blamelessly break cycles while appreciating the cycles broken before you. You hold boundaries despite wishing you didn’t have to. You morph from role to role as you go through the days. You protect, you nurture, you heal, you repair. You are everything.

So, at the very least, please try to show yourself some kindness. 

For those of you stuck in the “shoulds”. Feeling like you “should be” celebrating with your mom, or you “should just go” somewhere that isn’t healthy for you. Like you “shouldn’t be sad” or “shouldn’t let it bother you”. Like things just should be different. It’s okay to wish things were different. Your feelings are valid. Sometimes, the best we can do is to try to make it through without making it worse. Some things just suck. Please validate yourself, allow others to validate you and just do your best. Your feelings don’t need to be fixed.

Close your eyes. 

Take a big breath in. 

S l o w l y  let it out. 

Feel the love and warmth in your heart for and from your mother, mother figure, your family, your kids, present and lost,

Think or say to yourself one or many of the following: 

“I am good / loved / loving”.

“I am doing my best”.

“My kids love me / I love them”.

“I’m a good parent”.

“I can tolerate this”.

“It’s okay to make mistakes”.

“I deserve to be loved and cared for”.

“I am safe”.